First born || Middle Child

An apology to a dear Friend

Sorry, Chambi

First born children, the first bit of joy to their parents and a new way of life. Sometimes first borns are the only ones to be born, in other words, they have no siblings. In most cases however, the story is completely different. 

In this short essay, I will be trying to differentiate between First born children and middle children. And it appears there’s always a common theme between them all.

In my case, along with numerous cases. 

The first born is the leader of his siblings, the one that holds the torch that lights the path up. In other words, any action they take, any route they follow, their siblings will follow too. And to an extreme. 

Being the first born has its challenges. The eldest has to be the next leader of the pack, especially as they grow out and live on their own at one point in life. They have to be wise, to be mature, to be helpful, resourceful, proactive, energetic, close with their siblings etc. The list is almost infinite, because they have a lot of responsibilities. Of course the pressure of such requirements is a lot, especially to first born children who are lacking them. 

Therefore, after a while, they adapt with the stress and push forwards, sometimes focusing only on themselves and forgetting the very core of their purpose. Their siblings.

Middle children, second children, or even the last. Some call them troubled children, or trouble children. Some praise them, some loathe them, and yet somehow love them at the same time. Creating a tad bit of a toxic reminder inside the middle child’s head that they just aren’t good enough. 

They all have one common theme, they weren’t around to observe everything that happened with their family. 

Now, I do not intend to mean that all middle children are not close with their parents. In my 16 years of life there has been numerous examples of middle children being way closer to the family than anyone else.

But what I rather mean is that usually, parents and middle children aren’t close enough to teach and raise in the same manner they have to the first child. With some parents going the extra mile by comparing the middle child’s progress with the first born’s. 

And now to the point of clash, why the first born children and their siblings can’t completely understand each other. 

This is because of a number of reasons, namely that some First borns underestimate or are unable to understand the middle child’s problems. And that is usually because when they look at the problems the middle child has faced, they try to solve it their way.

 They take up the role of the all knowing wisecrack and try to help earnestly. Only to miserably fail. And the same might go for middle children, most tend to be quiet, and very emotional in my experience. Which creates a problem as the First born can’t help as he doesn’t know how to, whilst the middle child knows his problems but doesn’t explain them thoroughly or speaks about them. 

Preferring to remain quiet and not talking to anyone in their family about it, and instead seeking refuge in friends, Which might work for a while, but will eventually fail. As again, sometimes there is a lack of communication. 

Added to the fact that there’s competition and pressure on both, at one point they might collide. Causing immense feelings of disconnection and hatred towards one another. But of course, neither parties would show it, and it reaches a point till they grow apart and the entire purpose of their siblinghood is defeated.

In conclusion, the way I see it personally is that the eldest child has to try and connect more with his siblings, try to understand them more in order to help them correctly. And as for the younger children, they have to try and reach out, ask for help, be more talkative. I know this essay seems like a failed opinion project, and I am very much aware that not everyone would like to read this. Heck, I wrote it and I don’t feel it’s unbiased. But that is all I have to say.