Choking On What You Can't Chew

Ever heard of the saying “To bite off more than one can chew”. It basically means when someone does something that is beyond your ability. Lately, I've been suffocating from exhaustion and have been severely underperforming in all of my tasks. I've given myself a ton of excuses over the past weeks, but it always came back to the fact that I didn't manage my time well… 

Or more accurately, I spent all of my time wasting away. This has especially been the case over the past couple of weeks. But upon closer inspection, and with a little bit of theory crafting, I came up with a brand new excuse. 

I simply bit off more than I can chew; flew too close to the sun. I did the undoable and I… dabbled into way too many new experiences, all at the same time all at once. No proper planning, no time management. Just throw yourself at stuff and see what sticks. To no one's surprise, none have stuck.

All that happened is they stacked and stacked. Eventually becoming indomitable heaps of work.

From University work that I completely ignored to the programming course that asked for my unwavering resolve, another course on the side that I'm close to finishing that I don't see myself worthy of attending to maintaining house expenses and resources. All very new experiences that require a lot of energy, patience and consistency. And I for one don't have any of those. So I gave up, and they grew in size. Until I no longer could handle them. 

As I write this, I am currently completely hollowed out. Burned out from the tiring feeling of having so much to do and so little time to do it. Disappointed in the results I've gained so far and wanting oh so desperately to claw my way out by simply running away. Shut things down, let go and completely rest. 

But I can't do that right now. I still have time, and while the results of the things I'm working on will not be perfect, they will be done.

In fact, while I hope for good, I expect misery. Such are the consequences of gluttony with no proper table manners. You end up in Emergency care because a big piece of steak somehow wound up right inside your left lung. Not entirely sure how that happened, I don't even remember eating steak.

But it'll pass, and I hope I make it out of it soon.