6 years ago, when I was 15, I was told by a friend in school that there are patterns in my hairline that indicate that I am going to go bald when I grow up. Back then, I obviously scoffed at it and he laughed it off, claiming that he was just joking. The joke was not funny. Both sides of my family have, dare I say, very strong balding genes. My dad's bald, his dad with thinning hair that does a bad job of hiding his scalp. And on my mom's side we got grandpa with a bald spot and my uncles with varying ranges of hair thickness going all the way to bald.
Male pattern baldness isn't exactly something unique, and I always knew that it might happen. How I viewed it though, was something I wish was different. See, when my dad would bring it up he'd say things like "You'll get used to it" or he'd joke about getting hair transplants. I don't know about you, but that wasn't exactly something cheering. It was sad. An indicator of loss more than it is of change. Obviously the fact my hair would be gone played a main role in making it seem like loss. You can't change your hair back. This isn't a "make your avatar" game, it's real life.
So years go by, and a few months ago I decided to get a buzzcut. My hairline now having receded to a point where growing it makes it look bad, and the sides just seem to stick out. Best way to describe it, would be to show you what my colleagues in University would call me if I grew out my hair.
Gargamel.. From the Smurfs.
So, soon enough, I get the buzzcut and honestly.. I looked better. I'd go far as saying I looked rather dashing. Add an almost full beard to that and now I look older than I actually am, and it was a look that suited me. To this day, we still have the conversations as a family where we discuss my almost bald head and baldness in general. But, I told dad that the "you'll get used to it" dialogue in unnecessary.
I mean, sure I did get used to it. But the way I saw it as a kid was that, one day I'll just be bald and that was, in my head, a huge sudden change that I did not want. The reality is that it was a very slow change that encouraged me in a certain direction. Sure, life led me down a specific path. But, I came to like that path as I ventured through it. I wasn't thrown at its destination, I just went through the whole process. I have grown to a point where having my hair on me would make me look worse, so I let it go because I learned that I look better without it.
How we use words and how we describe things matters to people. Loss is inevitable, and so is change. But there are better ways to word it, in order to help people transition into said changes.
Instead of making it seem that going into a relationship means you lose your friends, maybe we change it into a funny "Don't forget us when you get married". And, just so we're clear, you do meet your friends when you're married, it's just that adults that have responsibilities lead different lives than children with no more worries than tests and exams. And, similiar to my hair, it's not a sudden change. It's a transition that you accept as you go down with your own decisions.
Be it someone letting go of a bad habit or losing a loved one. The idea of dropping a bucket of cold icy water on someone and just letting them process it is awful.
Yes they might not always like the loss, but your job is to make it less painful for them. It isn't easy. It takes a lot of effort. And people usually won't be thankful. But honestly, I wouldn't want to be treated any other way, so I try to do the same to others.
It isn't always ideal. Sometimes you do have to drop a bucket of ice on people; it's called a wake-up call. But you just got to manage a fine balance between things. So yeah.
I know I said this already, but I just really wanted to highlight that I look awesome with a buzzcut. (And a beard)
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