Insomnia (Fiction)

 I've given up on myself a while ago. Not because I hate myself or anything, I just got too tired from fighting. I needed a break from all the responsibilities. So I gave them all up. I stopped attending Uni at first, then I stopped studying. At some point, it became too much effort to have a regular sleep schedule, so I gave that up too. It sucks. Having goals or standards that you set for yourself only to give them up as soon as you grow tired. Aren't our standards the things that make us who we are? After that Doctor's visit, being essentially called a fake and an obstacle to my own growth was enough to shut me down. 

And it wasn't any better that I kept getting those weird nightmares. At first, it was those stupid time loops. Now, I see myself in different places doing a variety of things. One time, I dreamt I was in Uni. I was trashing the Professor's office. The next day, guess who shows up late to his lecture, all worked up because someone went into his office. Yeah.. I can't imagine a logical explanation to this.. Did I sleepwalk all the way to community college? And somehow I would wake up the next day without feeling anything? Am I seeing the future in my dreams? Or maybe I'm seeing someone else's actions... 

In another dream, I'm in some warehouse setting up a weird dining arrangement. Like, who sets up a dinner table in a warehouse of all places. I haven't been able to find this warehouse so I don't know if I was sleepwalking again or if I'm getting premonitions. These nightmares are getting absurd.

I've also been feeling strangely lighter as of late. My diet hasn't changed at all, and I don't think having a sour mood can do this much to one's weight.. Not that it's weight related or anything. The scales say I weigh the same. I'm thinking of visiting the hospital and running some checks. But that means I'll have to explain to Dad why I have to go to begin with...

I don't know.. I might just keep things the way they are now. Just hope for a swifter recovery, cause this plateau I'm in is nothing short of exhaustingly irritating.

Lee hasn't reached out yet, I'm not sure why. He must be busy as usual. He always was. Honestly, I don't know why it is that the closest friends I confide in happen to always be the ones that are the furthest out of reach. I have nothing to do but wait I suppose. Only thing keeping my sanity intact is the fact that I have a loving family and whatever it is that I write on this semi-regular basis. It's just a rut though, I'll get out of it, it's not my first rodeo after all.

I'll cut this one short, the lack of sleep is really getting to me and the headaches are making it near impossible to focus on thinking up words, let alone writing them. 

Forever yours, 

Yourself