Good is Boring

I was sat at the kitchen countertop a few days ago, having the usual conversation I do with mom. This time around we were talking about right, wrong and the reality of things. Specifically, how I desperately like doing what's good/right, yet sometimes find it exhausting.This extends to many things. But this here essay specifically discusses friendships. 

I'm in a few friend groups. We're all glued together because we either like each other's company or have things in common. One of those groups is my younger brother's friends. They are incredibly fun to hang out with. We have so much in common and we all talk the same. We know a lot about the same stuff and occasionally have the same opinions. 

There's one small problem though, I don't like hanging out with them at all. Confusing, I know. But, let me explain. 

In the few hours that I hang out with these guys, the amount of profanity that comes out of our mouths collectively is enough to paint my heart with deep dark ink that needs bleach to clean. I enjoy hanging out with them, but not a moment passes by where I don't feel guilty and regretful for the things they say or the things I say. Make no mistake, I do try my best to warn them. 
"شباب استغفار بقى عشان نتوب من القعدة دي"  

Similiar jokes to the one above are thrown out, I try to be casual about it as much as I do. But it has little to no effect. And eventually, my tounge slips and I join in. I don't like that. I don't want that. This is not who I am, nor is it what I want to become.

So I have other groups. One such group I label as "الصحبة الصالحة". They appear pure. Whenever I'm around them I'm probably getting good deeds done or just elevating as a human being. For the sake of Allah. One time, I was wasting time when one of my friends, Tareq, showed up and invited me to pray sunnah. I know it seems simple and stupid, but sometimes we need a little push.

Obviously, you read the title of this essay and you know where it's going. Sometimes hanging out with Tareq feels tiring. Which is funny because it's not his fault. He's usually pulling me towards something good to do (or making an annoying pun if he isn't. I will hunt you down for this one day, dear friend).

Usually, the only thing we have in common is our desire to try and be better. We met at points in our lives where we were changing for the better and they have been doing a better job than me at keeping those changes. Sometimes it feels exhausting, and I hate describing it as such because it scares me. That I am unable to go back to the pace that I once walked, and that I feel exhausted or pressured by it sometimes. That I might be going to the opposite direction. I reached a peak that I somehow can never return to, and it feels like everything is crumbling.

As soon as I mentioned how I felt to mom, dad walked in. So we let him in on the conversation. Wanna know what he said? He said "Yeah, that's fair". 

WHAT? 

Then he went "this is part of our test in life much like every other thing we face." And he brought this ayah to my attention.

 

Have patience. Patience not only in doing good deeds, but also hanging out with good people! Because we get bored and tired. Even if the good things motivate us or bring us joy. Trying to be good is not easy. It is a thankless effort, that is often looked down upon. In my closest friend group, I am described as annoying sometimes. By none other than my own brother. (and cousin too) 

Why? For saying things like "جماعة نستغفر", because "it doesn't suit the place we're in". And I get that feeling sometimes with Tareq, even when I know it isn't a valid point. Like why not just be "chill". 

Keep in mind, that yes, you do have to watch your tone and style when giving advice or encouraging people to do something good or discouraging them from doing something bad. I do that to the best of my ability and so does Tareq, but it doesn't change how I'm viewed. Annoying.

We try. We fail sometimes. But, we need to keep getting up. It's exhausting and sometimes boring. But as exhausting as it can be sometimes, I always walk out with my hangouts with people like Tareq with no regrets. Yes, he's a human and is flawed. Yes there were times where we had our differences or had arguments. But at the very least, when it's time to leave, I don't feel a mountain on my back. I love Tareq and I'm sure he too loves me. Because when you truly love someone, you genuinely want them to be better. Better together.

Anyways, that's all from me. Skedaddle from here and stop stalking me. 0-0 

P.s There's this other hadeeth that I never quite managed to fit in this essay. But it is very relevant to this conversation. Anyways, cheers!

Post edit notes: There's this nifty little nice thing you could pull off to reduce the weight of any hangout. I forgot to mention it, but basically you recite the following du'aa